The Lost Art of Following Up

Following up asks for initiative without context. There’s no shared meeting, no group thread, no built-in reason to reach out. Just a message sent into the void. What if it feels awkward? What if they don’t respond? What if it comes off as self-interested? Psychologists note that ambiguity, not rejection, is what most people want to avoid most. And following up is all ambiguity. So men default to delay, which eventually becomes disappearance.

If you feel like you’ve tried to reach out before and it didn’t work, you might’ve gone about it the wrong way. Experts say that most connections die not from disinterest but from imprecision. “Let’s catch up sometime” sounds friendly but creates no forward motion. Men who are good at following up don’t overthink tone—they make it concrete. “Next week or the week after?” Or maybe something like, “Want to grab coffee near your office?” Specificity isn’t pushy. It’s respectful of time.

Social and professional momentum decays quickly. Executive coaches and recruiters often cite the same window: 24 to 72 hours. After that, interactions lose heat and become abstract. The follow-up feels less natural for both sides. A short, straightforward message sent early works better than a perfectly crafted note sent late.

Initiating contact doesn’t lower your status. It actually establishes it. In both friendships and work relationships, the person who follows up is often seen as organized, decisive and trustworthy. Research consistently shows people underestimate how welcome a follow-up is, and overestimate how intrusive it feels. Think of it this way: Aren’t you usually relieved when someone else takes responsibility for the next step?

Following up doesn’t mean endless check-ins. Send one clear message. If it lands, move forward. If it doesn’t, let it go cleanly. The point isn’t persistence—it’s closure. Men who maintain strong networks don’t chase; they resolve. Silence is information, not a personal slight.

The easiest way to get better at following up is to stop treating it as a decision. If you enjoyed a conversation, saw potential or felt aligned, you follow up. That’s the rule. No second-guessing. No waiting for the perfect phrasing. Over time, this compounds. Friendships deepen. Work relationships strengthen. Your social and professional lives feel active rather than accidental. After 30, social continuity isn’t about being everywhere. It’s about not disappearing.