31 Days

Use the Triangle Method to Flirt

Man and woman eye contact on a date illustration

“Flirting is truly about bringing positivity to yourself and others, and it can be used in nearly any situation,” says life coach Rachel DeAlto, the author of Flirt Fearlessly. It's really about being charming and fun to be around. “You may not realize it, and you may not have ever thought about it, but people flirt in business, in platonic relationships and in almost every situation in which people are thrown together.” So whether you're looking to score a date or simply would like be more likable, heed the advice of countless experts and utilize the “triangle method”. It was created to facilitate eye contact, make you seem undeniable, and even motivates someone to lean-in for a kiss.

You might've heard rumblings about this technique on social media. On TikTok, there are tens of millions of views on videos with claims that it is a foolproof method for making someone fall for you. But does it really work? Well, if you do it right, you'll certainly notice that you often get the results you want. Why? It's all about the eyes. As dating and relationship coach Damona Hoffman says, humans rely on eye contact to communicate. Engaging, alluring eye contact shows attraction and boosts sexual tension. But she warns that lingering eye contact comes off as creepy and actually triggers the body's fight, flight, or freeze responses. So you'll want to get this right.

What Is the
Triangle Method?

Look at the person you're talking to—and imagine their face as an inverted triangle, with their eyes at the top and their mouth at the bottom. During the conversation, change your gaze every so often, looking into one eye, then move to the other eye, then down to their lips, and back up to the eyes. This is an intimate way to connect and send unspoken signals. The whole process should be slow and intentional. Delicate, not dramatic; it should take about two seconds, total.

Does the Triangle
Method Work?

In a word: Yes. Because it relies on our most basic form of nonverbal communication. By gently moving your gaze between their eyes and mouth, you're creating interest without making them uncomfortable. Hoffman says it works so well because how you look at someone can be an effective way to escalate sexual tension. The subtle shifting of your eyes—from their eyes down to their mouth and back—is a nuanced but impactful way to convey your attraction. By involving their mouth, you're implying that you might be thinking about kissing them. Or at least, very interested in what they're saying.

Psychology
Meets Physiology

The nice thing about this method is that you can use it for someone you just met or your longtime partner. That's because intentional eye contact with someone you like triggers the release of potent chemicals in your brain. And that immediately forms a deeper connection. Oxytocin—which is sometimes referred to as the love hormone—creates those warm, trusting feelings we experience during intimate moments. That surges, along with a hit of dopamine, which naturally makes us feel rewarded and excited. Together, these bodily chemicals work to create that unique spark we feel during deep connections. And that's all thanks to eye contact.

Smirk, Don't Smile

A study (PDF) published by psychologists at the University of British Columbia showed that men were perceived as less sexually attractive when they smile. A big, wide smile can come off at times as disingenuous or even needy. Something that Okcupid discovered as well. The dating app found that men with profile pictures that featured a big smile aimed right at the camera were rated as significantly less attractive than those with a sly smile pointed a little bit to the side.