As men, we're particularly wary of the Suck Zone. Most of us avoid it like an STD. As boys, we never wanted the other guys to see us miss a shot, fail a test, or get turned down for a date less we appear weak. So many of us stopped taking all but the most calculated risks, and we lost our aliveness in the process. We got practical and rational, we gave up our spontaneity—all to preserve our pride. But preserving our pride is a futile attempt. We're gonna botch something sooner or later, even if we're seasoned pros.

I had a big suck moment a few weeks ago when an unskillful email led to some very difficult conversations with the members of a men's group I was leading. In the fallout, my immediate reaction was shame: I fucked up, and I deserved whatever anger was coming my way. I was a terrible person and a terrible leader.

Days later it hit me: Had the situation sucked? Yes, undoubtedly. Had I learned something? Absolutely. I had to admit I'd learned a lot. Had things seemed to work out for all parties involved, even if, on paper, things hadn't been graceful? Yes, yes they had.

I'm a big believer that having our worst fears come true is a gift in disguise. And sometimes our sucking can lead to breakthroughs. Twelve men I cared for deeply all being unhappy with me at once was something of a personal hell, but now that it had happened? Well, I knew I could live through it. And that's pretty liberating.

We can look at the Suck Zone in the same way. If you can learn to expect it, even embrace it (just for a little bit), it becomes a source of strength. One of my coaches, Bryan Reeves, tells a story of a powerful reframe he once received from a friend: “I suck at this,” Bryan said. “No,” his friend said. “You're not practiced.”

And what if all of life was practice? A place to learn. A place to experiment. A place to suck and laugh knowing everyone else is sucking, too, and that we're all becoming better for it. Sucking is the same vulnerability Brené Brown writes about. Sucking is the collective willingness to transform a shame-based culture into a culture of empowerment and growth. Sucking is a world where we cheer each other along for doing things we're sure could get us killed, but actually free us. Sucking is the great unlock. Er, sorry, I mean practice!

So, I'm curious:

What would you do in your life if you weren't afraid to suck?

What's one small action you can take today that takes you closer to that edge?

If you looked at all of life as practice, what might change for you?

The greatest people to ever do it know that we have to be willing to suck, to lose everything as we fling ourselves into the present moment, the present conversation, or the present shot. And if you're willing to kick the tires and traverse the Suck Zone for a while, you might just drop effortlessly into greatness.