How to
Split Your Stuff
After Breaking Up

You've been in a relationship for a while. Naturally, you and your partner accumulate stuff together. You share people and places, you swap streaming passwords and maybe even rescue a puppy. But now the relationship has run its course and you're breaking up. Sure, you can agree to visit your favorite dive bar on different days. You can spend time with shared friends separately. But how do you divvy up all the things that you've acquired as a couple? You keep a calm head and follow this advice from noted relationship experts.

Your Possessions

As a simple rule, top-rated New York divorce attorney Paul Eric Rudder says that the person who bought an item should keep it, assuming you aren't married. For mutual purchases and things you've acquired while you were together, he says make a list and start the give and take. Begin with easy items (the ones least in dispute), working your way up to the big-ticket items. Consider who used the items most. If your shared TV was your partner's evening relaxation device, let them have it. Use it as an excuse to invest in the latest TV technology for yourself. If you can't compromise, and you really want something (that perfect vintage midcentury chair, for example) then consider offering to buy the other person out.

Keep Gifts but Return Heirlooms

You're under no obligation to return the gifts your ex gave you over the course of your relationship. Plus, returning the things you were given might actually cause more problems according to MJ Acharya, author of The Breakup Workbook. "This may send a signal that he or she never meant anything to you—further adding insult to injury." The one exception? A sentimental family heirloom. If either of you gave each other something that falls into that category—your father's watch, a ring from your grandmother—it's completely fair to ask for it to be returned. And if it was given to you, be big enough to return it.

Tackle Your Online Accounts

Breakups today must take into account the online services you share with your signifiant other. Don't just fire up a fresh Tinder account. Talk about which online accounts you use and who had them first. Did your partner have a Netflix account you piggybacked off of? Depending on the severity of your breakup, you can discuss whether you'll still have access to it (but you should probably make your own account). Be upfront about changing any passwords on social media and other accounts. And changing passwords is a smart idea—we all hope that everyone will be mature, but you never know if someone will turn vindictive or let their curiosity take advantage of what access to you they still have.

What About the Money?

Look, breakups can cost you a lot, emotionally. And sometimes, they can cost you a lot financially. Maybe you gave your ex $300 for a plane ticket or paid their credit card bill once or twice. Even if you loaned them a small fortune, the likelihood you're getting that back is low. Unless the sum of money is enough to warrant legal action—in which case lawyer up, man—you're better off mentally writing it off as the price you were willing to pay for your newfound freedom.

You Can't Cut Your Pet in Half

You both love the dog, right? So thinking you can share him post-breakup is a common idea. But that's usually a mistake. It keeps you connected during a time when you likely need some space to process everything. It often leads to resentment and arguments, keeping you in a tense relationship of sorts (even though your relationship has just ended). Usually one person is more capable or was responsible for much of the pet's care. If your ex has the more flexible schedule, for example, letting go is the more humane—albeit soul-crushing—thing to do. Just agree that you both love the dog, so you want to put him first.

The Engagement Ring

The engagement ring you bought was a symbol of your shared future together, and since that future has now gone up in smoke, it should go back to the purchaser. In fact, you may be legally guaranteed that it comes back to you. In many states, engagement rings are not considered outright gifts but are considered "conditional gifts." This means that the ring doesn't belong to your fiancé until the wedding occurs. If the wedding doesn't occur, some courts will require the recipient to give the ring back, while others will only require this if they're the one who broke off the engagement.