America's
Brunch Revolt
This past weekend the New York Times, ever just a few beats behind the zeitgeist, weighed in on (and took a stance against) the divisive meal that's been inspiring a heated debate in popular culture for some time now. "I'm through with brunch," wrote David Shaftel. "It's gone way too far." Has there ever been a meal that's inspired such hatred? There have been countless social media rants, long-winded editorials and even info-laden charts devoted to bitching about brunch, but now the paper of record has laid down the law. We're not big brunchers here at Valet. We're early risers who believe in the benefits of a proper breakfast, but perhaps the problem isn't really the meal. Maybe it's the patrons. Let's examine the common anti-brunch complaints.
The
Complaint
"Brunch is too expensive."
The
Reality
Do places over charge? Sure. An egg costs what, ten cents? Of course one sunny side up can easily run you two bucks. But brunch has developed into an exclusively bourgeois activity. And the bigger problem is that you're more likely to over order in your slightly hungover stupor, only eat about half of the massive heap of food on your plate and then get pissed off when your cheap friend doesn't pony up enough for his share of the bill.
The
Complaint
"The wait is
always soooo long."
The
Reality
You told yourself you'd be there by 9:30 am. Ten, tops. And now it's 11:42 and you want a table for six. Brunch seems to be a team sport, there are only so many large tables a restaurant can accommodate and once people are seated they tend to linger for longer than your typical meal length—finding the perfect filter for your latte art takes some time. Hence, the pre-meal purgatory.
The
Complaint
"The service
usually sucks."
The
Reality
Your poor frazzled server. They've likely been at work since before you were awake and now your gluten-free friend is quizzing them for ten minutes about the ingredients and your Paleo gym buddy orders an all-sides meat and eggs plate. Then, after your fifth Bloody Mary, you want the check split between six credit cards?
The
Complaint
"The food is mediocre."
The
Reality
This one's got some legs. Sure there's some fine brunch fare out there but really, what are we all waiting for? Eggs, bacon, a plate full of pancakes and some fresh-squeezed OJ? You can get that at any diner or better yet, make it at home. This is not difficult food to master and then you eat it in your pajamas and save some cash.
The
Complaint
"It turns into a complete shit show."
The
Reality
We can understand the appeal of a place promising bottomless booze. It's the weekend and hell, you don't have anything to do today, right? But because so many places water down those drinks, you end up guzzling down a gallon or more to "get your money's worth" and frankly, most people don't have the stamina for it. The result? Sloshed patrons stumbling out onto the sidewalk in the middle of the day.
“
It's not quite breakfast, not quite lunch,
but you get a slice of cantaloupe at the end.”
